Having a strong relationship sounds like a mission impossible, but then you always have that one couple that makes it seem easy. Why? Well, because their urge to stay together is enough to dissuade them from succumbing to any temptation that would jeopardize their union.
Sure, it’s nice to have this come to you as an urge, but what about people who don’t have this as an instinct? It’s easy, you can work on it. First, you need to identify the problem, the “temptation” that seems impossible to resist but will eventually poison your relationship and damage it beyond repair.
To help you get started on this journey of self-improvement, here are the top six temptations you’ll have to learn how to say “no” to.
1. Oversharing about your ex
For a lot of people, talking about their ex isn’t necessarily toxic. It’s a way to get your current partner up to date. You want them to understand you, how you are, and why you are like that; however, a lot of it can be lost in translation.
If you can’t stop talking about your ex, one of the most logical conclusions is that you’re still obsessed with them, and this is something that no one wants to have to endure. Sure, there are a lot of phrases like – if they were that good, they wouldn’t be an ex, etc., but there are a lot of people who just can’t believe that.
You don’t want to give your partner enough rope to hang themselves with, so take a break from sharing too much. Even if they’re pushing you, just give them the bare minimum (just so much that they don’t start thinking that you have something to hide).
Also, avoid asking too much about their ex and restrain yourself from looking them up online.
2. Spying on your SO
Previously, we talked about looking up the ex of your partner online. The problem with this kind of research is that it’s so tempting, mostly because it’s so easy.
Think about it: you no longer have to hide behind a bush in your trenchcoat or a camera. All you have to do is install a keylogger on your own device and let them log into any social media account without telling them. You could also install one of the so-called boyfriend spy apps on their device while they’re in the bathroom and get even more insight.
The reason why this is so problematic is because this method is so easy. All you need are a few seconds and a single decision. That’s it.
The problem is that once you take this path, the relationship is doomed, regardless of whether you find something or not.
3. Preemptive cheating
It sounds incredibly weird to even talk about this, but a lot of people have negative past experiences with cheating. The problem is not just the breach of trust; it’s also about the fact that they feel like they’ve come out as naive fools, and they’re determined not to allow it to happen again.
Some approach this with trust issues, while others come with a “brilliant” plan to be the first ones to cheat. More often than not, it happens in the first few months while the couple is still “figuring it out.” Even when not discovered, it poisons the foundations of the relationship.
This can be manifested in an even weirder way. Namely, some people cheat in order to get even. This is a common mistake made by people who are trying to keep the score. It usually goes like this: “My SO won’t go out with me tonight because of a family matter, so I’ll go out myself in order to make them jealous.” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a relationship therapist to figure out where things can go from there.
4. Believing there’s time for everything
Every now and again, you’ll have a brilliant idea about where you can take your SO, about a new conversation to start, or a great gift. A lot of people make a mistake in believing that there’s enough time for everything.
You can go there next time, initiate this new idea next week, or just postpone getting this gift for when you have a bit more money. One big flaw of this plan is the fact that it seems like a relationship procrastination. In other words, it can be interpreted as not trying hard enough or not caring.
Another thing you need to understand is that not every relationship lasts forever. They say that if you aren’t dating to stay together forever, you’re dating in order to eventually break up. There’s a nicer way to interpret this – you should get the most out of every relationship.
So, whenever you have a great new idea, don’t wait for too long in order to try it out. It’s as simple as that.
5. Making a persona
Everyone wants their partner to like them for who they are, but people are very insecure, which makes them come up with false personas to present. A pretty girl or a handsome guy tells you about their favorite band, and you instantly start pretending that you’re a fan. The problem is that this is a rabbit hole, and the further down you go, the harder it is to get out.
Just take the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith, for instance. The plot of the movie is simple, but the main idea is just brilliant. Here, you have two people who are just perfect for each other; however, they have a horrible marriage because neither of them has the courage to be honest.
If people were just capable of being open about what they like in life or in bed, a lot of couples would find that they’re far more compatible than they initially thought. Even if they weren’t, they would get a chance to find someone new, someone with whom they really are compatible.
6. Getting too comfortable
For a lot of people, getting someone to really like them represents more of a project than a process. Your end goal is to make one big push to lure them in, and then you can revel in your laurels and enjoy the fruits of this one-time labor for the rest of your life.
Well, that’s not how relationships work (not good ones, at least), and it’s definitely not how people work (at least not those worth keeping).
The thing is that you believe that the end goal is to achieve unconditional love. This is true; however, is it really fair to disappoint someone who loves you unconditionally? In theory, a perfect outcome for you would be to find someone who won’t abandon you even if you stop trying, but when you find someone who loves you so unconditionally, don’t they deserve you not to stop trying?
The thing is that you need to stop thinking just about yourself. Don’t fixate too much on what you “deserve” from them. Take a moment to think about whether there’s something that they deserve from you.
Just think about the consequences
Sometimes, it’s not just about thinking about the worst possible outcome. Sometimes, even imagining the best possible outcome won’t be as good as you would expect.
Sure, they’ll know all about your ex, you’ll find out that they’re not doing anything suspicious (it’s just you who are insecure), you’ll be the first one to cheat (or the only cheater), and they’ll love you for who you really aren’t. Does any of these things sound like a win to you? All in all, you have so much to lose and literally not a thing to gain.