It goes without saying: breakups are hard. No matter who is dumping who, both parties are likely to feel miserable for a while. Eventually, as time goes by, you’ll start to feel a little bit better each day.
But what about your ex? Is he/she copying just as well? If you’d like to find out, this article describes some clear signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
More importantly, there are also a few useful tips you can use if you want to prevent getting into an uncomfortable situation with your ex.
10 Most Obvious Signs
1. Showing Strong Emotions Toward You
Contrary to what most people think, the opposite of love is not hate. In fact, it’s indifference. You know when you have a strong opinion about something? It’s usually because you’re passionate about the subject or person in question.
For example, when you get into an argument with a loved one. Instead of staying calm and collected, most people will argue until their throat is raw. This is because they feel strongly about something or someone.
The same goes for your ex. If he or she shows any kind of strong emotion toward you, this is a sign that they still have feelings for you. What’s more, the stronger the emotion, the stronger the feeling. Ultimately, when your ex says they hate you, it’s likely because they still love you.
As strange as it may seem, not many people are willing to be open about their unresolved feelings. Instead, they’ll resort to exhibiting hatred toward their former lover.
Consider this: why would your ex waste even a second thinking about you if they were over you? It takes a lot of energy to hate someone, so why not just stop thinking about them altogether?
All in all, the reason they’re showing all these negative emotions toward you is that they’re not over you. So, when you hear them say that they wish they had never met you, or that they feel pure hatred toward you, don’t take it to heart.
When Does This Happen?
Although there’s no exact rule for when this type of behavior can happen, extreme emotions are typically present immediately after the breakup. You’ll probably get some angry text messages or phone calls the first few days.
Then, after some time goes by, the intensity of these emotions lessens.
However, it’s also possible for your ex to continue showing negative emotions toward you even after a few months have gone by. If this is the case, then it’s probably because he hasn’t come to terms with the breakup.
What Can You Do?
There are two things you can do to help your ex. First of all, allow for some time to go by. Contacting them immediately after the split will help no one.
It’s best to let a few months go by and see whether passions will calm down. Consider starting a no-contact rule. But, if your ex is still acting up even after you’ve given them plenty of time and space, you will need to take a different approach.
The best option you can try is to reach out to help them process these unresolved feelings (if possible). Get together in a public place for some coffee, and have a discussion. Let them know that you’ve moved on and that you wish they would too.
It’s imperative that you gently let them know that there is no possibility of getting back together. This will, without a doubt, be difficult but it’s the only way for them to come to terms with the reality of the situation.
2. Contacting You After the Breakup
Two people that are going through a breakup need time to heal. Obviously, everyone processes breakups differently, but essentially, it’s not common to just switch to being friends within a few days.
If your ex keeps calling or texting you every day immediately after the breakup, they definitely haven’t gotten over you. Some people think that just by staying in touch, they’ll be able to win you back at some point.
Unfortunately, this can end up being disastrous. For starters, they’ll try to make you fall in love with them, whereas you may think your ex is just being nice. Inevitably, you’ll end up breaking their heart which will make them resent you.
When Does This Happen?
Typically, if your ex doesn’t allow a few days to go by before contacting you, this is a sign that he/she is hoping to get you back. At least a week should go by before they get in touch with you.
When you think about it, what would they have to say to you so soon? Either your ex will try to get back with you without even hiding their intentions, or they’ll try to make you fall in love with them by sneaking back into your life. Either way, unless you’re willing to give your ex a second chance, this is a recipe for disaster.
What Can You Do?
Namely, there are two things you can do. First, if you’d like to remain friends, then you should immediately let them know where you stand. Set boundaries, and let your ex know that they have zero chance for a reconciliation. Ultimately, it’s up to them to decide whether they will continue a platonic relationship with you or completely cut ties.
Second, you can decide to stop answering their messages and calls. If you don’t feel the need to remain friends with this person, then there’s no need to waste your energy on them. It’s okay to be polite, but it’s another thing to feel obligated to talk to them every day.
3. Constantly Talking About You
A bit of gossip is to be expected after a breakup. After all, your ex needs to vent in order to get over you. However, constantly talking about you to his/her friends is a sign that you’re always on their mind.
Essentially, if you have mutual friends that you’re both still hanging out with, you’re likely to hear whether or not your ex is talking about you. They could have nice words to say, or they could just vent about all the things that went wrong in your relationship. Either way, this is a sign that they are not over you.
When Does This Happen?
As soon as you break up, you can expect your ex to rant and rave about you to their friends. This is completely normal. However, if after a few months have gone by, and you’ve managed to get on with your life, there’s no reason why your ex should still be talking about you.
What Can You Do?
Overall, there’s not much you can do to put a stop to gossip. If your ex feels the need to talk about you behind your back, then let them. They’re probably having a hard time getting over the relationship, and perhaps venting to their friends makes them feel better.
On the other hand, if things start to get out of hand, you may want to consider reaching out to your ex and asking them to stop. Remember to be kind though, as they are obviously taking the breakup much harder than you are.
4. Suddenly Acting Too Nice
Another clear sign that your ex is just pretending to be over you is if he/she starts acting “too nice” around you. For example, they could all of a sudden start doing random favors for you.
Sometimes people will take their significant other for granted while they’re in a relationship. If you lived together, maybe they never bothered to do any chores around the house and left everything to you.
Or, perhaps they never suggested doing any fun activities while you were together, and you’d spend all of your time together at home.
Now, they keep calling to ask if you need help getting the groceries, or asking to spend time with you.
When Does This Happen?
The saying “you never know what you’ve got until you lose it” is incredibly accurate sometimes. If your ex starts acting suspiciously nice to you after the breakup, they’re obviously starting to realize how much you mean to them. Unfortunately, it’s far too late.
Essentially, this type of behavior usually happens weeks and even months after the split, when they’ve had enough time alone to recognize their mistakes.
What Can You Do?
Sadly, your safest bet is to stop any form of contact with your ex. It’s clear that they haven’t gotten over you, and that they’re trying to win you back by doing all the stuff they failed to do during your relationship.
Let them know you’re not interested in hanging out, that you’ve moved on, and they should too.
5. Complaining on Social Media
In general, social media is a place where everyone likes to show off. Whether they’re starting a new job or moving to a new home, people like to boast about their success. It’s not very common that you’ll see someone talking about how miserable they are because of a breakup.
But, again, some people will do just that.
If you’re still able to view your ex’s posts on social media, and you notice a pattern of depressing songs or sad quotes, this is a clear sign that they’re not over you. What’s more, they could really be going through a rough period in their lives, and the fact that they don’t have you to turn to for help could feel devastating.
When Does This Happen?
It’s pretty common to see sad posts on your news feed anywhere from days to months after a breakup. For starters, the first few days will be full of emotions for both of you. But after a few weeks have gone by, and the sadness of it all subsides, so should the depressive posts.
Unfortunately, not all people will process a breakup the same way. For example, maybe your ex won’t share anything on social media during the first few days/weeks of the breakup. Then, out of nowhere, they could decide to flood their feed with sad love songs.
Or, the complete opposite could happen. It all depends on your ex’s ability to process their emotions.
What Can You Do?
Sad posts are normal immediately after splitting up, so your best option is to ignore them. Don’t contact your ex while the wounds are still fresh, but rather allow them to process their heartbreak in their own way.
However, if the sad posts don’t subside after a few months have gone by, you should consider contacting them. Send them a message and ask them if everything is alright. If they ask to see you, don’t immediately turn them away. Perhaps all they need is some closure, and facing you is the only way they can achieve it.
Just remember not to let them get under your skin. If you’re happy with your decision to break up, then they will have to come to terms with it as well. Hear them out, and (gently) let them know you’ve moved on.
6. Showing Off on Social Media
If your relationship meant anything to them, it’s only normal that they will grieve your breakup in the beginning.
With that in mind, excessive bragging could also be a sign that your ex isn’t over you, especially if this type of behavior is new to them. If they start impulsively posting on social media and adding pictures with potential new love interests, they may be trying to make you jealous.
Here are a few examples:
• Your ex posts several pictures on Instagram, Facebook, or Snapchat throughout the day, and this behavior isn’t normal for them.
• They constantly post photos of themselves having fun at parties.
• They add random quotes or song lyrics saying how happy they are now that they’re free.
Essentially, it’s perfectly fine to move on quickly, but it usually takes some time before people can start going out and having fun.
When Does This Happen?
Essentially, your ex could be creating a false image on social media just to get a rise out of you. But it’s important not to let this get to you. Posting about how happy they are a few months after your breakup is normal. But doing so immediately after is not.
In general, it should take them at least a week to get over you.
What Can You Do?
If you notice that he/she is acting “too happy” after the breakup, then it’s likely all for show. Don’t let their social media posts trick you into thinking they are living their best life now that you’re not together anymore.
The best thing you can do is block them or simply mute their posts. If your ex is trying to make you jealous, you should ignore them. After some time has gone by, you can unblock/unmute them to see if matters have changed. Hopefully, they’ll get the message and move on. But if they don’t, consider blocking them permanently.
7. Getting Into a New Relationship Fast
You’ve only just broken up, and you notice that your ex is already in a new relationship. Unless they’ve been cheating on you (hopefully this isn’t the case), how did he/she find someone so fast?
Usually, jumping into a new relationship soon after a breakup is a sign that they don’t want to process their feelings. Their new love interest is probably there as a means to distract them from their sorrow. Remember that before you get jealous.
Another clear sign that he’s not over you is if he starts jumping from one relationship to the next. This means they’re incapable of forming a bond with these people, and the most likely reason why is that they haven’t gotten over you.
When Does This Happen?
If enough time has gone by (a few weeks or months), then it’s acceptable for both of you to be looking for new relationships. But, if they jump into a relationship only days after your breakup, there’s likely something wrong.
Although a lot of factors depend on how much time needs to go by, the main idea is that no one can get over a breakup within a few days.
What Can You Do?
Yet again, the best course of action is to allow them to process their feelings in their own time, and in their own way. It’s best not to reach out to them, or else they may think you’re jealous, or even worse, that you’re stalking their social media.
Try not to view their posts, and if your friends bring up your ex’s new love interest when you go out, let them know you’re not interested.
To be fair, it’s easy to feel betrayed if your ex gets into a relationship immediately after your breakup. You may think they never even loved you, and that your time together meant so little to them. But try to remember that this behavior is probably just for show.
8. They Haven’t Told Their Friends About the Breakup
Picture this: you’re out with a friend you haven’t seen in a long time. This person is also friends with your ex, and you all used to hang out when you were together. The friend then asks you how your ex is doing, and why they didn’t come out with you.
Obviously, you were expecting this friend to know all the sordid details of your breakup, but it seems that they think you and your ex are still together. What’s more, every mutual friend you run into has no idea you guys have broken up. While this is normal during the first week or two after your breakup, a few months later you’re starting to wonder why they haven’t told any of their friends about it.
Worst of all, their relationship status on social media still says “in a relationship”. What’s going on?
Namely, some people will stay in denial about a breakup for weeks and even months. If your ex isn’t telling his/her friends that you’re no longer together, they may be hoping things will soon change.
When Does This Happen?
As mentioned, it’s understandable if your ex hasn’t notified his/her friends about your breakup immediately after it happens. Not all people like to share this kind of stuff.
However, after about two weeks have gone by, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t let people know you’re no longer a couple.
What Can You Do?
If your ex is in denial about the breakup, the best thing you can do is to ignore them. Feel free to let people know that you’re no longer together, and eventually, everyone will know. Hopefully, this will also prove to your ex that you’re not interested in getting back together and that it’s time for them to move on as well.
9. Leaving Their Belongings at Your Place
It’s been months since you broke up, and you still have a ton of their belongings at your house. You’ve let them know they need to pick them up a million times already, yet they always seem to find a reason not to do so.
Essentially, if these items are stuff such as books and clothing, then there’s really no reason why they shouldn’t want to pick them up. Unless, of course, they’re hoping you’ll eventually get back together, and they won’t need to.
Or, maybe they’re afraid of seeing you so soon after the breakup. Perhaps they still have feelings for you, and they’re worried they won’t be able to handle their emotions in your presence.
When Does This Happen?
Ultimately, it’s safe to assume that your ex isn’t going to want to see you immediately after the breakup. You should let them deal with their emotions for about a week before contacting them about their possessions. However, the longer it takes for them to pick up their stuff, the more obvious it is that something is wrong.
What Can You Do?
The only thing you can do in this instance is to let it go. If they’re not willing to come by and pick up their possessions, consider dropping them off at a mutual friend’s place, or contact one of their relatives. If this isn’t possible, then pack your ex’s possessions in a box and store them somewhere.
It’s up to you to let them know that you have their stuff, but it’s not your job to keep reminding them to come and pick it up.
10. Being Jealous of You Seeing Other People
At some point, you’re bound to start dating again. That is unless you’ve sworn yourself to celibacy. Since you’ve gotten over your ex, you’re probably not really interested in what they have to say about your dating life.
Picture this: you go out on a date, and as fate would have it, you bump into your ex. Instead of ignoring you and your date, or simply greeting you and moving on, your ex decides to approach you and make things awkward. He/she may start acting weird and sizing up the person you’re on a date with. While incredibly inappropriate, this type of behavior is to be expected from someone who isn’t over you.
Furthermore, your ex may even try to invite his/herself to your date. For example, if you’re at a club or a bar, they could try to sit beside you and attempt to start up a conversation. This will probably confuse your date, and make them want to exit the situation.
When Does This Happen?
Jealousy can rear its ugly head at any point after a breakup. Some people will immediately get jealous of every person their ex interacts with, whereas others will experience it later on. Sometimes it can even take years for a person to feel a pang of jealousy toward their ex.
If you’re living your best life and not giving your ex a second thought, then it’s normal to expect the same from them. Unless, of course, they’re still not over you.
What Can You Do?
Jealousy is a complex emotion that you cannot just will away. It’s deeply rooted in a person’s psyche, and there is no way to turn it off. With that in mind, you shouldn’t expect your ex to stop being jealous.
On the other hand, what they can control is the way they act toward you. If your ex keeps making a scene and causing you to feel bad whenever you cross paths, consider talking to them about it. It’s not fair that you should feel bad about moving on, and you need to let them know that.
Unfortunately, you cannot simply ignore this behavior, as leaving things as-is won’t do much. Instead, call them and arrange a meeting somewhere public. Tell them you understand how they feel, but that you’ve gotten over them, and that you would like them to stop acting out in your presence.